November 14, 2014. It was the day that this little angel became a real angel, That’s the day my daughter Brianne, chose to end her life. As a parent, the pain of losing a child is something that no one should ever have to experience, and it is something that will never go away. Every year, as November 14th approaches, my pain and grief intensify, as memories of that day come flooding back. Today, I want to share my experience about the loss of my daughter, Brianne, and how I've coped with the intense pain and grief over the years.The first few years after Brianne's death were extremely difficult. It's hard to describe the feeling of losing a child. There was a gaping hole in my soul that will never heal. Those first years, I cried every day, and I felt like I didn't know how to live without her. But as time passed, I started to come to terms with my grief. I began to open up and talk to other parents who had lost a child and found it was good to talk to someone else who understood what I was going through.
One of the hardest things about losing Brianne was dealing with the "what-ifs." What if I had done something differently? What if I had seen the warning signs? What if I had been there for her? These thoughts would creep into my head and haunt me. But I learned that dwelling on these thoughts would only make my grief worse. There are no do over’s in life. It's important to focus on the positive memories you shared with your child and celebrate their life.
Another thing that helped me cope was finding healthy ways to deal with my grief. I started honoring her memory. She love the moon and we all talk to it. I listen to music that she loved or reminds me of her. I started writing my blog. It's important to find an outlet that works for you. Everyone grieves differently, and what works for one person might not work for another.
As this date approaches each year, I still find myself struggling to cope with my grief all over again. The day brought back all the painful memories and emotions. What I’ve learned over these last 9 years is that, I learned that it's okay to not be okay on that day. It's okay to take some time off work and focus on my emotions. It's okay to seek support from friends and family. It's okay to not have it all together.
The most important thing I learned through my grief journey was that it's okay to ask for help. I found comfort in attending support groups and talking to a therapist. It can be hard to reach out, but it's important to remember that there is no shame in seeking help. You don't have to go through this journey alone.
The loss of a child is something no parent should ever have to go through. Days like birthdays and holidays and the day they chose to leave us open a wound that never really heals. Everyone's grieving process is different, but there are things you can do to make the journey a little easier. Remember to take care of yourself, find support, and celebrate your child's life. You will never forget the day you lost your child, but you can learn to live with the pain and keep moving forward.
~Brianne'sMom F31
