Grief is one of the most complex emotional experiences any person can undergo. It is especially true when someone loses a child to suicide. The death of a child not only shatters a parent's world but torments their souls as if it were a never-ending battle. Your soul is entwined with your child.  You made them. It is not something you will ever “get over”. Yet, one of the most infuriating things that people tell parents is to "get over it." It’s a statement that only deepens the pain, and it's something I, a fellow suicide loss survivor, have heard too often. 

We learn early in life that expressing emotions is a sign of weakness. However, nothing can be further from the truth. From the moment you experience the loss of a child, there is a constant battle between your emotions and your intellect. Nobody forces you to follow set timelines, grieve a certain way, or stay strong. Each day is a new experience, a new emotion. So, let it all out. Cry when you need to. Laugh when you feel like it. Punch a pillow if it helps. Cry with those who will cry with you, and don’t be ashamed to show your emotions. With time, the intensity of your feelings will ease.

Friends and family may try to help, but they may not know how to provide support. Don’t isolate yourself — it's a recipe for disaster. Try to find support groups of people who have experienced the same loss as you. In such groups, you’re free to talk about your feelings, and you can benefit from the support and advice of others who have walked the same path. These groups can help you move forward by showing you different ways that you can channel your pain and thoughts for the better.

Suicide may have ended your child's life, but you're still here!  Why? To tell there story. There’s no right or wrong way to cope with loss and grief. You may find that throwing yourself into an activity — reading, gardening, crafting, or even baking — helps you pass the time and allows you to create something new. Try to find something that you love and use it to form a new beginning while dealing with your grief. You may also find that volunteering at a charity can be therapeutic and can help others in similar circumstances. It is the perfect way to channel your emotions and potentially making a connection to other positive people.

Keep them alive by picking up their torch.  Did they have a favorite hobby?  How about a cause that was important to them.  You can do work supporting that in their name.  Visit places they loved and do things they loved to do and most importantly. Speak of them. Often and with love.  Say. Their. Name.   Creating memorials for a loved one can sometimes feel painful, but at the same time, it provides an avenue to keep your loved one's memory alive. You can do this in several ways. For instance, you can create a scrapbook of all the good memories you had with your child, or you can design a memorial wall that allows you to display pictures and your child's great qualities. You may also want to keep a written diary that you keep privately and use as an outlet for your emotions, thoughts, and feelings. These are excellent ways to keep your child's memory alive and cherished.

Losing a child to suicide is a wound that never heals, and getting over it is not an option. This  is a long and personal journey with no right nor wrong way to cope. So, to those parents out there that have heard, "get over it,” I hope this guide has provided some helpful advice. Please express your emotions, don’t isolate yourself, create a new beginning, and create a memorial for your loved one. I'm not here to offer a panacea or easy fixes, just a helpful hand for those on this difficult path. Keep moving forward with the love of your cherished child always in your heart.

Remember, it's not how they died that is important.  It's how they lived that they will be remembered for.  Keep them alive.

You are powerful. You are loved. You are blessed.

Sending Love, Hugs and Healing Light

~BriannesMom f31 2014